A Total Rant, Ladies and Gentlemen

by: Dark Wraith

Update, June 8, 2007, 6:15 p.m.: Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer has ordered that multi-millionaire heiress Paris Hilton be returned to jail to complete her sentence.

Multi-millionaire heiress Paris Hilton, who on Monday began serving a 40-day jail sentence for DUI, was released this morning, reportedly because "She wasn't eating much of the jail food," (quoting an entertainment article at CNN.com, which is doggedly following this breaking story), or because of some other mental condition.

JAYZUS HAROLD CHRIST ALMIGHTY! What th' HELL, man?!

Buttfuck a plucked duck! This is our system of "justice"? That trollop goes free while hundreds of thousands of normal people get processed like meat through the sausage grinder of our hateful, mandatory-minimum-sentence, git-tuff-on-crime court system, which throws the wretched average folks in jail, destroys their lives, and then gets honored by TV cops-and-lawyers shows that make sick-ass remarks about the prison gang rapes those convicts will endure over and over again?

And while we're at it, can we let some of those GITMO "enemy combatant" detainees—excuse me, "unlawful enemy combatant" detainees (just to make it alright with the black-hood military judges)—go now before more of them starve themselves to death out of complete hopelessness? Oh, of course not. Those detaineess are engaged in asymmetric warfare against us when they starve themselves to death. I forgot. My bad.

Thank God for Paris. Our silly Founding Fathers and that whole aversion of theirs to the ancient European nobility thing is just so passé in this day and age, what with our desperate, pathetic need to have someone to whom we can look when we despair of our own ugly faces, unshaved crotches, and singing voices we have to show off so everyone in TV Land can laugh at us. Boy-o-boy, we need those princes and princesses gracing the covers of those magazines, just so we have something to get us through long lines at Walmart where we have the privilege of buying cheapo imported, poisoned slop from China to feed ourselves and our pets.

Geez, how else would I know what a loser I am if I didn't see those gorgeous bodies I'll never have, either on my own skin or grunting underneath me? Hey, maybe if I pay the ten bucks for a movie ticket, they'll let me look at them for a whole hour-and-a-half as they practice their craft that is so beneficial to the betterment of the world.

Wait a minute! I'm being sarcastic, aren't I? Sarcasm is so unbecoming. It's why we bloggers are such trash in the grand scheme of the journalistic media. I shouldn't even be an online publisher if I'm going to put up with this kind of disrespectful diatribe on one of my Websites.

Good Lord! I just realized what has to happen now that I've ripped my ass at and about that little trollop and all her fellow she-trollops and he-trollops. I'm going to have to ban myself!

Dear God! I hate having to do that; but it's the only just thing to do.

Oh, wait a minute. The rule of law is a joke.

Whew! Boy, there for a minute I had myself really worried.

Whoa, dudes! Thank God for the 21st Century.




The Dark Wraith is finished ranting, now.