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Elliot Spitzer: Governor by Day, John by Night

by: Dark Wraith

Elliot SpitzerNew York Governor Elliot Spitzer is expected to announce his resignation in the wake of reports that he had been a client of a prostitution service under federal investigation. Although The New York Times initially reported the story as if Spitzer was actually involved as a principal of the criminal enterprise, federal investigators are now indicating that initial suspicions that Spitzer was taking bribes from a company called QAT (pronounced "cat") were the result of money transfers he had made to buy sex from the company's dba, Emperors Club, which charges clients an hourly rate of between $1,000 and $5,500.

That's right: Men pay this prostitution service anywhere from a grand to fifty-five hundred for every hour they have with an Emperors Club prostitute.

Once more for the record: Rich men are paying one thousand to five thousand five hundred dollars per hour for butt, a rate that would compel any normal man, regardless of how desperate he was, to opt instead to beat his own meat like it owed back rent.

But Elliot Spitzer paid it (along with room service, liquor, cab fare, and train tickets), as apparently did other men, given that the Governor is identified in the government's criminal complaint as "Client 9." According to the Associated Press, Spitzer is currently linked to at least one session with a sex worker, an encounter that lasted four hours. No indication has yet been given as to whether the entirety of that four hours was devoted to sexual intercourse, a prospect that would go a long way toward explaining his lean, healthy appearance and apparently continued dedication from his wife, who was by his side when he made a rather vague announcement on Monday of his legal problems. His three teenage daughters were not at the news conference, where he took no questions and seemed, for one reason or another, to be contrite.


More news about clean-cut governors, their ladies of ill repute, and four-hour sex sessions with room service later here at Dark Wraith Publishing.


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22 comments:

as always, same as with vitter, gingrich, hastert, hyde, and larry craig, it's the hypocrisy stupid.

note to the gov: dude. if it's in a federal wiretap it's not a private or personal matter any longer. if it was a crime for the people you prosecuted, it's more than a sin for you. it's a crime. take your lumps. it starts with resignation.
by: Minstrel Boy (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 21:02
...and it ends some night in the near future, perhaps, with that devoted wife, the kitchen cutlery, and that deep sleep of yours that will last just five seconds too long before you awaken a new man.

Or something.

The Dark Wraith suggests Elliot opt for the stint in the workhouse.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 21:24
From what I gathered from the link and some other articles, the convoluted manner in which Spitzer tried to hide his payments to the, ahem, Men's Club, was what done him in. What made him think that Big Bidniss wasn't still gunning for him, or that they'd have didn't have friends at the Justice Dept.? Then again, it was his bank that turned him in, so, I better stop pretending I'm a lawyer or somethin'. Either way, smooth move, Ex-lax.
by: trog69 (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 21:35
Good evening, trog.

I suppose, when all is said and done, Elliot can at least have the memory of sex with a lady who costs somewhere north of a grand an hour.

Speaking as someone who has never paid that much per hour for anything, I cannot speak to the issue of whether or not his fond memories of the encounter were worth the fee.

No, wait. Yes, I can; and I can with certainty:

Elliot, you stupid MORON!
Ain't no ass on Planet Earth worth what you paid.

Idiot.


There.

The Dark Wraith needed to get that out of his system.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 21:45
Once more for the record...

Some rich men aren't all that "normal" is my guess. Those are pretty darned expensive "sessions" for something most "normal" people could get for free.

... four hours??? redface eek
by: Moody Blue (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 21:46
Just want to know.
How come Vitter and Craig (both of whom also broke laws while getting their jollies rocked) both get to claim 'forgiveness' and stay in office?

Hmmm...they both claim their wives and 'god' forgave them. Wonder if
A). Their long-suffering lady-wives actually DO have a direct line to this supposed Front Office...
OR
B). They are equating their wives with deity, thinking (not without reason) that anything that their Big Guy might choose to inflict upon them is going to fade to NOTHING in comparison with the living hell 'the little woman' (<---- sarcasm) might choose to make their lives in a fit of pique and irritation...let alone righteous anger. eek
by: tali (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 21:56
Wait a minute.
I just remembered something.
FOUR HOURS...
You're supposed to call your doctor if that little blue pill you took lasts that long without...er...faltering.

What?

I'm serious, man!
ing7
by: tali (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 22:00
Not to worry, tali.

Real men don't use those ugly pills. If you're fit and ready, one of those pills could turn you into Godzilla.

As my German ancestors would have said, "It's not the skin, it's the pork that makes the bratwurst hold up in the bun."

I don't think my German ancestors ever actually said that, but they would have if they'd ever had time, what with all the wives, mistresses, and wayward girls they kept in the old family homestead.

The lesson is obvious, though: Elliot Spitzer is not authentically German. The sorry SOB actually paid. If what you're doing is good, it should be free (although post-coital endorsements in cuting-edge magazines are always appreciated by the more publicity minded fellow).

The Dark Wraith should probably never have published this post to begin with.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 22:17
Damn it. Why wasn't it another sleazy GOPer? Ah, human fraility. However, Spitzer just happened to be a highly visible human.
by: isabelita (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 22:38
Au contraire, my good friend. Pointing out the continuing hypocrisy of those kinds of people who lead double lives is exactly what is needed.

The audacity of being someone that would prosecute or condemn someone else for exactly what they are doing is just about the ultimate in hypocrisy.

The rest of those lying two-faced political hypocrites better start paying attention, too.

[Foiled Goil wonders what her German ancestors might have said!]

by: Foiled Goil (contact) - 10 Mar '08 - 23:01
Good grief.
by: blackdog (contact) - 11 Mar '08 - 12:29
Indeed, 'dog.

Pork is better in the oven.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 11 Mar '08 - 13:09
I'm surprised the moral majority or the family values types haven't had a conniption fit over that billboard.

Too bad she wasn't doing the meat (sorry) and he was behind doing what the sign implied (not sorry).

If you're going to put up an ad like that, you might as well go for the gold.
by: blackdog (contact) - 11 Mar '08 - 13:18
HuffPo: Eliot Spitzer to resign? Lots of linky goodness and details here:

Spitzer Resignation Watch
by: Foiled Goil (contact) - 11 Mar '08 - 17:04
Dark Wraith, I hope his wife gets every dime they have in the D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Just once I'd like to see one of these longsuffering wives haul off and black an eye or two at one of these bogus press conferences. Good gawd, what's up with these women?

Mrs. Spitzer would be more than justified if she rode down Fifth Avenue, sitting on the back of a convertible, with a bullhorn, announcing what a lying low-life piece of shit she was married to.
Do I sound bitter? wink
by: Ms. Mule (contact) - 11 Mar '08 - 21:25
You do, Ms. Mule.

For some reason, this correlates in my mind with my father's advice that I should never get involved with a woman who owns a horse.

The Dark Wraith hasn't the slightest clue as to why that rather odd bit of memory comes to mind, right now.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 12 Mar '08 - 00:00
Good morning, Dark Wraith.

Your father was an wise ole' sage. As proof I offer this darling story.
Once upon a time, a loving, kind, hardworking horsewoman was going through a divorce, and her old high school sweetheart, a lawyer, bless his soul, handled the whole nasty business for her. He even paid her filing fee, the darlin' thing. When she got the first draft of the legal papers, she read through them to be certain he had covered the important facets. She found him to be very thorough indeed. She was just reading along, one paragraph after another, just regular old d-iv-o-r-c-e lingo, and then she came to a paragraph called "Optional." It read:

"It is agreed by and between the parties that the husband shall not procreate nor sire any further offspring by any means presently known or to become known in the future to man or science, to include but not limited to, normal intercourse, artificially manipulated mating, cloning or any other form of reproduction or sibilance there of."
She was reading, and shouting, "Can we say that? Is this legal? She read on.
"To insure compliance with this, the parties agree the husband shall, within thirty days from the date hereof, admit himself into a qualified hospital or clinic of his choosing and undergo the proper and necessary surgical procedure and/or procedures to fully remove all genitalia from his person and erase all evidence of maleness from his waist down. The husband shall be under no compulsion, obligation or court order to "take this as a man." Within fifteen days of said surgery, the husband shall deliver to the wife all items removed from his body during said procedure and/or procedures, properly preserved, hermetically sealed and suitable for inspection, identification and exhibition.
I tell you. Dark Wraith, her layer-friend belongs on the U.S. Supreme Court. She declared his words to be the ultimate final decree of divorce.
by: Ms. Mule (contact) - 12 Mar '08 - 10:12
Damn, woman.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 12 Mar '08 - 12:13
While I fully agree with always gentle Ms. Mule, this was posted at Glenn Greenwalds site:

UPDATE: In Comments, DCLaw1 asks a question to which I would love to hear an answer:

I have always found it very curious that one of the following, but not the other, is illegal:

(a) Two people have sex, one of them gets paid for it;

(b) Two (or more) people have sex, all of them get paid for it, and it is videotaped and sold to third parties as a commodity.

I have yet to hear a convincing argument why this difference makes any actual sense.
by: trog69 (contact) - 12 Mar '08 - 19:29
Good evening, trog. The difference, I think, is that, whereas sex with a prostitute is for the purpose of the personal pleasure of one and the possible profit of the other, sex on tape is created only for the purpose of profit. Like all good commodities, once it has earned its revenue, it has done what it was made to do; any benefit that occurs thereafter is incidental.

The Dark Wraith never had sex on tape (since only duct tape could support his full weight, anyway).
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 12 Mar '08 - 22:14
Guten Morgen, herr Wraith. So, as long as nobody enjoys what they're doing, it's legit? Why don't they just start signing people up to join the Puritan Party and get it out in the open?

I'm with you on the price point too. Unless it's an opportunity to ride in the space shuttle, I can't see anything worth $1000 an hour.

Greenwald spends some time deriding the investigation of Mr. Spitzer, but says nothing about the terrible hurt he may have caused the Mrs. I disagree in this instance that it's a 'victimless crime'.
by: trog69 (contact) - 13 Mar '08 - 05:40
Good morning, trog.

With regard to your comment, "Unless it's an opportunity to ride in the space shuttle, I can't see anything worth $1000 an hour," I want to point out that, if a space shuttle ride were even remotely similar to a ride on some woman, I would prefer to stay dockside and merely take note of the audience's gasps as the man lost stages on his way into orbit with tongues of flame pumping out of his back port.

The Dark Wraith rides the bus to work.
by: Dark Wraith (contact) - 13 Mar '08 - 13:43



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Title: Elliot Spitzer: Governor by Day, John by Night
Date posted: 10 Mar '08 - 20:19
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Filed under: Sex
Good Karma: 6 (vote)
Bad Karma: 0 (vote)
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